
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4366157.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Persona_3
  Relationship:
      Arisato_Minako/Mochizuki_Ryoji
  Character:
      Mochizuki_Ryoji, Arisato_Minako
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Angst_and_Porn, Teenagers
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-07-18 Words: 2754
****** For Glad and Golden Hours ******
by bookoftheazuresky
Summary
     Ryoji had only turned on the lamp while he was waiting, so the whole
     thing had an air of surreality about it. The winter twilight was
     deep, the ever-present cloud cover reflecting the lights outside to
     give a blurry illumination. She pulled him over to the bed and sat.
     He sat back down beside her, fingers entwined with hers. “I don’t
     actually know what I’m doing,” he confessed.
Notes
     For my friend DivineMadness, who was like, "Sure you can write me
     porn." In fandom we don't say "I love you," we say, "I will write
     porn to cheer you up," and it's beautiful. The title is from the
     carol It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.
12/31 – Thursday, evening – Full Moon
 
When SEES told Minako to take their decision upstairs, she was relieved. And
then guilty for being relieved. The looks Mitsuru and Yukari shared with her
were full of sympathy, almost more than she could bear. That the team allowed
her to make her goodbyes in private was a blessing and a curse; she knew half
of what was keeping her strong was that she couldn’t go to pieces under their
eyes.
 
She climbed the stairs with a mixture of resolution and dread, her legs heavy.
She kept her eyes on the dull greens and browns of the carpet. She almost
walked past her floor, then shook her head at her own foolishness. The steps
between the landing and her door were endless miles and over too quickly. Her
hand hesitated at the scratched handle of her door. It was as if she’d never
seen the battered wood composite before. Her eyes picked out dents from Junpei
thumping way too hard and scratches on the bottom from Koromaru’s blunt claws.
In the months since she’d come here, this room and building had become her
home.
 
She pulled in a series of breaths, the first swift and hard, then gradually
slower. By the fifth exhalation, she had herself under control. She gripped the
doorknob and decisively pushed the door open.
 
Ryoji was sitting on her bed with only her desk lamp for light, fingers tracing
the squares of her bedspread. He looked up as she came in and her knees almost
buckled. When Ryoji smiled at someone, he put the whole force of his
relationship with that person into it. She’d been able to track his feelings
for her with the gradual progression of his smiles. This one was just as full
of affection as any he’d ever given her, but had a force of grief behind it
just as powerful as that sweetness.
 
She had looked up Thanatos, once, in the mythology section of the library. The
dry passages had said that Thanatos as Death was thought of as peaceful, a
sweet lover to give a last kiss to the living before taking their souls to the
underworld. She’d never really connected it to the Persona of that name, but of
Ryoji, she could believe it.
 
She had crossed to the bed before her brain even realized what it was doing.
Her hands came to cradle Ryoji’s face, looking into his drowningly blue eyes.
Then she kissed him.
 
Ryoji stayed stiff and startled for a moment, then kissed her back, his lips
moving gently against hers. His hands slid up to her shoulderblades, cradling
her against him. Minako fisted her hands in his shirt, feeling a few tears
escape her control.
 
He pulled back, gently. She let him, scrubbing a hand across her face to wipe
off the tears.
 
“Don’t cry,” he said, sounding near to tears himself. “Please-“
 
She cut him off with another kiss, a harder kiss. She bit his lip, tasting
blood, then put her hands on Ryoji’s shoulders to push him down onto the bed.
He blinked up at her, eyes wide, mouth lax with surprise.
 
Her sweater came off over her head; she tossed it into the corner. She fumbled
with the fastenings on her skirt before it came undone to puddle on the floor
around her feet. A careless kick sent it the same way as her sweater.
 
She looked back at Ryoji, clad in nothing but her bra and a pair of leggings.
His surprise had given way to full-on shock. Somewhere in the back of her head
she had been hoping that she would know what to do once she’d gotten her
clothes off. Minako came to the conclusion that, nope, she had no clue.
 
“You know,” she said, voice shaking just a little, “most boyfriends would catch
a hint when their girlfriend starts getting naked in front of them.”
 
Ryoji gulped. It was a totally human reaction, the most human she’d seen him
since before…She shoved the thought back down where it belonged. She crossed
her arms self-consciously in front of her chest.
 
“Minako, this was really not what I was planning on…” he trailed off.
 
“I’m not going to kill you,” she said, hands tightening on her arms. “We
decided, all together, that we weren’t going down without a fight. Since that’s
done, I want to-“ she stopped, stymied for a moment by the weight of her
pronouncement. How she could discuss murder and the end of the world without so
much as losing a syllable, but not discuss sex without tripping over her own
tongue was a mystery for the ages. “I want to make love to you. If this is the
end of the world, I want to at least do that with you.”
 
“Minako,” Ryoji said helplessly, pushing himself up onto his elbows, “I’m not
human. I’m-“
 
“I don’t care. I don’t. There are two answers. ‘Yes, I want to have sex with
you.’ And ‘no, I don’t want to have sex with you.’ I told you what I wanted, so
tell me what you want.” She scrubbed her hands up and down her arms. She wasn’t
sure if it was chilly in her room or this was a stress reaction. Either seemed
equally likely.
 
Ryoji sat up all the way. She could almost see the thoughts chasing their way
through his brain, though she couldn’t have said what they were. Slowly, he
reached up and tugged off his ever-present scarf, letting it drop to the floor
at the foot of the bed.
 
All the breath went out of her lungs. Now she felt her cheeks coloring. Heat
spread from her cheeks to the rest of her body. She wouldn’t have been
surprised if her whole body was the color of her bedspread. She waved in his
direction. “Maybe some reciprocity?”
 
Ryoji chuckled, an infectious sound. Minako found herself grinning as she
watched his pale, graceful fingers work the buttons on his shirt. He shrugged
out of it and his suspenders and dumped the shirt on top of his scarf. His
chest looked like it had when they’d taken the trip to Kyoto, thin and without
any hint of softness. His hands paused at his belt buckle, then undid it. He
met Minako’s eyes, then pushed his pants down to join the rest of his clothes.
He wore boxers.
 
Minako found herself giggling, not even sure what she was laughing at. She
covered her face and let her body shake with the force of the laughter forcing
its way out of her body. Ryoji’s hands landed on her shoulders. She was still
giggling when she peppered his face with kisses, which turned to shivers when
he returned the favor.
 
Ryoji had only turned on the lamp while he was waiting, so the whole thing had
an air of surreality about it. The winter twilight was deep, the ever-present
cloud cover reflecting the lights outside to give a blurry illumination. She
pulled him over to the bed and sat. He sat back down beside her, fingers
entwined with hers. “I don’t actually know what I’m doing,” he confessed.
 
“Me neither. Let’s find out together,” Minako said. Sometimes the only battle
plan was to jump in and sort out the chaos later.
 
With that in mind, she scooted back to lay on her pillows. An encouraging tug
brought him closer, one arm brushing her shoulder as he gathered his legs
underneath him. She threaded her fingers through his hair, disarranging it,
then pulled him down for a kiss.
 
It didn’t matter that the only places he was touching her were his hip next to
hers, the arm bearing his weight, and his mouth. A pleasant fizz was spreading
across her body as her blush had earlier. Her hand fisted on the comforter as
their kisses deepened, tongues sliding slickly over each other. He pulled back,
breathing against her mouth, then trailed kisses down her jaw to her ear. His
mouth was warm and ticklish, spreading heat under her skin. She moved the hand
on his head to his neck, cradling his skull, then down his spine. He felt warm,
alive, human, under her hand. She wanted him closer.
 
“Um,” she said. He backed off from where he had been laying kisses on her neck.
His eyes were startlingly dark, the blue contracted to a thin ring around the
pupil. He was breathing faster too. “Maybe we should get naked?”
 
He swallowed. “Okay,” he said, his voice lower and rougher than his usual
pleasantly high pitch. It made her shiver, heat gathering in her belly. She
reached down, not dropping his gaze, to the front clasp on her bra. She pushed
it off her shoulders and dumped it off the bed. She shifted her hips, aware of
the warmth of Ryoji’s thigh, then slid her fingers under the waistband of her
leggings and panties. She lifted her bottom of the bed to get them clear, then
discarded them. She watched, mouth dry, as Ryoji shifted to get rid of his own
underwear.
 
They paused, their breathing the only sound in the room. Then Minako pulled him
down to her once more.
 
Instinct had her tangling her legs with his, wrapping her arms around him. He
responded by mouthing her shoulder, her neck, kissing his way down to her
collarbone. For all his paleness he was warm, especially where his erection
pressed low on her belly. She’d thought she would be embarrassed to feel him
naked against her. Instead she panted into his hair, hands moving restlessly
over his back. Each rub of her thighs was wetter than the last. She had touched
herself thinking of him before, the glimpse of his wristbones and his slow
mischievous smiles at the forefront of her mind, but this was so much more than
that.
 
He latched onto her nipple, mouth working on her breast. Minako let out a
startled sound that bled into a moan. All thought fled her mind as she
luxuriated in the sensation, writhing underneath him. His mouth eased up and
she almost protested before he transferred his attentions to her other breast.
Ryoji caught at her hips to still her writhing and pulled back. “You have
gorgeous breasts,” he told her earnestly. “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”
 
She panted, nipples peaked from the stimulation and the chillier air. His hands
travelled up her sides to cup her breasts, fingers exquisitely clever on the
sensitive skin. Her hands had fallen back to the bed and twined restlessly with
the comforter. It felt good, great even, but she wanted those graceful hands
somewhere else.
 
“Ryoji,” she groaned. She grasped his wrist, then guided it down. He paused as
he took in her embarrassed flush, then slowly and oh-so-carefully touched her
bare sex. His fingers were maddeningly tentative as he watched her face,
gauging her reactions. Then he found her clit, and her head dropped back. His
touches gradually firmed as he took her moans for encouragement. His fingers
were slicked with her wetness, turning everything even more sensitive as she
built up to orgasm.
 
She clutched at his shoulders as she came, her body shivering with reaction. A
fine layer of sweat coated her skin in defiance of the cool temperature of the
room. She blinked dazedly up at Ryoji, smiling thoughtlessly. He bent down to
kiss her, a soft meshing of lips that was almost unbearably sweet.
 
A twitch of his fingers between her legs almost brought her hips off the bed.
She was still sensitive, but she was looking for something a little deeper now.
Wordlessly, she guided his slick fingers deeper, until he had two fingers
inside her. It was almost a completely different sensation to having her own
inside her, since she always knew what she was going to do. She couldn’t
predict what Ryoji was going to do, which made it all the more exciting.
 
She wasn’t exactly impatient to get to the next part, since in the back of her
head there was a timer ticking down, but she was ready to go before he was
ready to stop. “Come on,” she said, “I want it.”
 
Ryoji was back to looking uncertain, though he had color high in his pale
cheeks. “Are you sure?”
 
“Ryoji,” Minako said.
 
He hesitated for a moment longer, then his face set. “Okay. Can you…um, help?”
Minako nodded eagerly. They spent a moment arranging themselves, all hands and
hips. Then Ryoji lined himself up and pushed.
 
Minako squirmed at the feeling. She wasn’t sure why it was more intimate than
having his fingers inside her, since logically it was the same sensation, but
it was. She was making love to her boyfriend, maybe the last thing they would
ever do together. She immediately banished that thought, shoving it out of
sight. She would deal with it later, but now was now.
 
Ryoji was unraveling, his unhappy concentration lost. That was almost better
than feeling him moving inside her. They moved together, at first awkwardly,
then with more fervor. Ryoji was gasping for air as his hips shifted, his arms
and shoulders hard with tension. She clutched at them, tugging him down for a
kiss. Their mouths met sloppily and they kissed until Ryoji tore himself free
to fill his lungs again.
 
Minako wiggled her hand to the place where they met, then started circling her
clit. Tension was building up again in her core.
 
“Minako,” Ryoji breathed, “Mina, I love you-“
 
As easily as that, she tripped into orgasm, a strangled cry in her throat.
Ryoji kept moving, his rhythm completely lost. She shuddered around and beneath
him, and he buried his face in her throat and sobbed as he came.
 
They lay in a tangle of limbs for what felt like forever, their bodies cooling
in the chill that seeped in through her windows. Finally, he moved off and
away. That fiercely unhappy look was back on his face. He ran his fingers up
the side of her face, brushing away some hair that had escaped from its pins.
 
“I have something for you,” he said, breaking the silence. Ryoji got off the
bed, ducking down to retrieve something from the pile of his clothes. Ignoring
the satisfied ache in her core, she sat up. Now that she wasn’t touching him,
he was back to looking like a spirit in the faint light of her desk lamp, his
pale skin unreal.
 
He found what he was looking for, then turned to her. It took until he held the
item out to her to recognize what it was. A translucent ring, of no material
she recognized, sat in his palm. She took it, her fingers shaking slightly. The
end was so close she could almost taste it. She could put it off, for another
minute, and another. But not forever. The clock had been counting down since
they first met, since Aigis had sealed Death within her, since madmen had
decided that the world was no longer a place that anyone should live in.
 
She slid the cool stone onto her ring finger. It was barely visible, but she
could feel it when her fingers curled into a fist.
 
“We should get dressed,” she said.
 
“Yes. There are some things that you’ll need to know, if you want to confront
Nyx.” He smiled weakly at her. “I’m sure everyone will be worried.”
 
They dressed swiftly. Minako had to fight her urge to linger over it. She
didn’t regret any of the time she’d spent, but midnight was approaching and she
couldn’t just wish it away.
 
When they were done, he spent a long moment just looking at her. She was
certain that he felt the same as she did, that he wanted nothing more than to
stay up here with her until it was time for him to go.
 
“Minako…thank you for everything. I wish,” he swallowed. “I wish we had more
time, but I want you to know that I love you. Whatever happens, I don’t think
that will change.”
 
She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “I love you too.”
 
He kissed her one last time, butterfly soft. Then she squared her shoulders,
hardening herself against the loss. There was still one last conversation to
have before she could come up here and weep.
 
The last day of the year was dying outside, white flakes of snow beginning to
fall.
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